310807

love-hate relationships

random love-hates.

dad is menopausin.
scolded bro for the most ridiculous things ever.
had short-term memory.
argued wit mom over trivial matters.
said the most insensitive things (unknowingly).
kept a distance from me for two whole weeks.
annoyed the shit outta everyone at home.
but at the end of the day,
he's still "daddy".

*

mom is actin weirdly (again).
random convo one morning.
(she woke me up to tell me her amazin discovery)

mom: aye why your white bra has a strange blue stain?
me: huh?
mom: and the stain is inside the cup!
me: huh? must be from my jeans or sth.
mom: oh i thought why your breast can produce blue ink.

-.-"

classic morning moments.

*

school is so dry this term,
it can totally put the sahara desert to shame.
how ironic.
it's suppose to be interestin cos it's our core topics.
special events, facilities management and green hospitality.
but so far,
all i remember from lessons are the crappy moments wit lois,
and online tabloids.
today is the worst.
lois even commented that i looked like i jus had the worst ditch.
and she was equally stoned.
we both took three seconds to react to each other.
for example,

me: are we lunchin later?
(returns to my lappy, thinkin that she wont answer me)
lois (three seconds later): yea.
me (three seconds later): okae.

during lunch,

lois: where you goin later?
me (five seconds later): home.
gene: -.-"

other crappy moments includes,
one day in class wit michael tay.
he was callin people from their table nametags in fronta them.
but some had other people's table nametags.
basically he just called people
by whatever words he saw in fronta them.
and so a convo begins.

me: oops, no nametag. think he'll just call me Acer.
(cos my lappy was opened)
lois: hurhur.
lois: then he will call jon 'same same'.
(cos he was wearin that thailand tee that alota ppl has)
jon: (knuckles crackin)

and this afternoon, i had a crazy idea.
that is to apply mascara on gene's fringe,
to make it curl like char's new pretty lash extensions.

hurhur.

it's small things like these
that made school a lil more bearable.

*

the cashier at the bar last night
grinned when he passed over the jug of bourbon coke.
"it's extra strong! enjoy!"
and so we stirred and took the first sip.
for the first time, you hear people askin,
"where's the coke?"
moments later, halfway through the jug,
after stirrin and stirrin,
"where's the fuckin coke?!"
giggles.
for the first time,
one quarter of the jug was abandoned.

and the next day,
you dread burrpin, alot.
but you dint regret a wee bit,
cos company was great.

*

msn moments.

goodbye, the future's sold out xinn says:
hmms we swim then go river island

Don't cry tonight, there's a heaven above you says:
hmms we swim then go river island---> thats a joke ar?

the bestie wit the most roller-coasters in our relationship.
but i still love her. :)

*

love or hate,
ultimately time makes you choose to love.
time proves hatin to be tirin.
people give up at some point of time.
and then at some point of time they choose to love.
like, i love my work tho i hate the stress.
like, i love bestie tho she disappears sometimes.
like, i love daddy tho he annoys the shit outta me.

life,
it's a love-hate itself.

oooo, i sound like meredith grey's monologues.

cigarettes and alcohol @ 23:52


yesterday, astrology.com says:
"be confident as today begins - there's an awful lot of positive energy around you."

hmm, does havin three very satisfied tourists served and plenty of praises from a pair of aussie tourists count?

maybe.

today, astrology.com says:
"positive possibilities are all around you..."

uhm.

cigarettes and alcohol @ 10:23


we're all dumb and jaded, indeed

so when will this end it goes on and on
over and over and over again

i'm feelin sick from
'breathin' bourbon early in the morning.
i'm feelin sick from
the massive churnin in my tummy now.
i'm feelin sick from
the impendin headache from the lack of sleep.
i'm feelin sick from
last night.
i'm feelin sick from
inside.

cigarettes and alcohol @ 09:25


300807

"A wise man once said you can have anything in life if you will sacrifice everything else for it. What he meant is nothing comes without a price. So before you go into battle, you better decide how much you're willing to lose. Too often, going after what feels good means letting go of what you know is right, and letting someone in means abandoning the walls you've spent a lifetime building. Of course, the toughest sacrifices are the ones we don't see coming, when we don't have time to come up with a strategy to pick a side or to measure the potential loss. When that happens, when the battle chooses us and not the other way around, that's when the sacrifice can turn out to be more than we can bear."

cigarettes and alcohol @ 01:51


280807

goodbye, the future is sold out

[/edit]

(dear xinn)

remember how i told you i was scared
you end up with some jerk who doesnt even know you're there
but deep down i just knew that you would find someone who's real
who doesnt claim to know exactly everything you feel

it's been wonderful and crazy
knowing you
and i hope that i can always see
the teenage girl in you
and i know that you'll be fine
but i'll be there everytime
you need someone to say hi to
late at night

sometimes when i think of us i'm sad
i miss not knowing anything of
what could lie ahead
but mostly now i'm grateful that you're are where you want to be
not quite here
and not quite there
but somewhere in between


ooooo, i'm heartin sarah bettens. :)

*

i'm sadded cos i cant get my bob done yet. :(

cigarettes and alcohol @ 00:08


:

hello!!

HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY, VIRNIE POOTSIE! :D

LONG LIVE THE ORANGE BOWL OFFICERS!! :D

hahahahaha. love you la. muah!

cigarettes and alcohol @ 00:04


260807

lipstick jungle

so much for a hiatus!

haha. i think i cant quit talkin. and i'm totally lovin my new job. :) love the feelin of being empowered wit information. love the feelin of being totally exhausted after a nine hours shift. love the feelin of EARNIN MOOLAHS! hahahah. kay la, it's not alot. but still, i love it when i'm earnin money while enjoyin myself.

right, i hope this will last. :)

my my, blogger can post vids now? haha. maybe i shld start postin all the blair witch projects i have in my lappy!! all the classic moments of my dear friends and of cos, uncle low's very own 32nd birthday celebration. hahaha. :) MELR, rmb the mor far kor video of our loveliest wong yew kin?? hahahhahaha. aye he turnin 20 tmr leh! shld make him a mor far kor cake or sth. HAHA.

oh wells. days when we were young and high, i miss!

i think i'm choppin my SUPER charded hair soon (maybe this week). :D



bob, bob, bob!

*

my fellow starbucker! :D



*

in retrospect...

cigarettes and alcohol @ 23:47


the orange bowl mania continues!




please visit us at facebook! hehe.


SIMPSONIZE ME! hahahaha.




*

happy 21st birthday la happy birthday.

cigarettes and alcohol @ 19:14


220807

i will not be strong this time.

fuck you, world.

till then.

HIATUS.


she's a question without answers
who feels like falling apart.
she knows, she's so much more than worthless
she needs to find a purpose,
she wonders what she did to deserve this

she's calling out to you
this is a call, this is a call out
cause everytime i fall down, i reach out to you
and i'm losing all control now
and my hazard signs are all out
i'm asking you to show me what this life is all about

have you ever felt this way before
cause i dont wanna hide here anymore
take me to a place where nothing's wrong
and thanks for coming, shut the door
and they say some one out there sees us,
well if you're real, then save me Jesus
cause i've been this way for far too long
i wasnt meant to feel alone

show me what this life is all about


cigarettes and alcohol @ 02:06


210807

i wanta laugh so whole-heartedly and genuinely like this ALWAYS:




and yay. i had orange bowl. laughed at teachers. checked out the girls (but no chiobus). tried to honour ons noble deed. haha. and scolded a chao cabbie wit severe ear problems.

*

i.am.so.annoyed.

and this sucks, cos that means i still care. but i fuckin dont want to cos there is no fuckin point. seriously. breathe deep, xinn. breathe deep! i think i'm gonna get bad karma for makin my evil thoughts heard. but i dont fuckin care!!

ROAR! (this is copyrighted please)


it was you, who chose to end it like you did
i was the last to know
you knew exactly what you would do
and dont say, you simply lost your way


CANT YOU JUST BE A BETTA PERSON WITH BETTA EXCUSES??

'oh, the distance killed.'

yea yea. tell me something new!

[/edit]

one more, 'i just wanted to have someone there.'

you did and she was doin it so whole-heartedly, but you decided to give it up.

yes, i'm sore. about what happened cos it's the third time.

not sore about you.

cigarettes and alcohol @ 21:36


we ignore because
we're all dumb and jaded
and i hope to God i figure out
what's wrong

cigarettes and alcohol @ 01:16


190807

pictures paint a thousand words! :)

mark's birthday eve at timbre:













actual day celebration at olio:










huan zhu ge ge 4!

starrin:


xinn: humble servant (with scarf)
leen: empress dowager
joyce: humble servant two (with fan)

HAHA.


our very lame attempt at tryin to be emo:







i was spinning free, whoa...
with a little sweet and simple numbing me

cigarettes and alcohol @ 23:32


that familiar aftermath lingers.

but perhaps this time,
it's for a betta cause.
i dont know anymore.

that stale after-taste.

cigarettes and alcohol @ 16:03


i hope my dad will figure out

the few seconds durin the ignition screams liberty. for once, life seems to be in control. as the seconds continue tickin, you drag as you dread. but deep down, you want to taste it again - that sweet sensation of being liberated momentarily. and so you deepen your drags. your erratic breathing never seems so calm for a long time. you suddenly know how to inhale and exhale deeply.

you feel relaxed.

"close my eyes and i count to ten. hope it's over when i open them..."

you hum that familiar tune in the back of your head and secretly wish song lyrics have that magical power to heal. but life aint fairytale. what's sad is that you know it and there is nothing much you can do. this is when thoughts began sinkin in like an ugly shipwreck. no, they are not thoughts. they are questions. rhetorical questions. you stop hummin. you start thinkin.

but time's up. as you crumble the last 3 cm, you wonder if a second helpin will help you think betta. maybe not. maybe yes. maybe not. that's a yes then! so you keep the gear goin. round two can clear your head, your lil angelic voice chants in your head. and then maybe a round three and a round four can enlighten you.

you lost count.

it's round five. or is it six? ah, fuck it. what enlightenment? you werent even anywhere near round two. thinkin is passe. cos deep down you know you're helpless (and maybe a lil hopeless?). you lost your ability to think. or rather, you are exhausted. you need a break. you took a break. but you are hungry for more. are you takin things for granted? no. you are convinced that you deserve it. but, really? this is when you decide to call it a day.

home now, nicotine stained.


i laugh aloud so my friends wont know
when the bell rings i just dont wanna go home


i secretly wish i had more time there. slouchin in one of the most uncomfortable chairs. under the sparse moonlight. under the reflection of that huge LCD. random switchin between listenin to my ipod and the latest/repeated gossips. laughin at the most ridiculous stuff. jumpin arnd like idiots just to capture THAT precious moment. the list goes on. anything but,

fingers cradlin my weepin face.


and i dont wanna start over again
i just want my life to be the same
just like it used to be
some days i hate everything
i hate everything
everyone and everything


i'm sorry.

cigarettes and alcohol @ 05:07


170807

oh yay goodie.
i think this blog is goin private.
send me your emails for access! :)

till then,
it's timbre now. :)

timmy, timmy, timmy!

[/edit]

right, this is not goin private.
there'll still be updates here as usual.
but, there is another one.
voyeurs no more. :)

what i'm left with are
polaroids
and

a beautiful mistake.

cigarettes and alcohol @ 19:38


on second thought, i should just put Project Star Playa on hold. haha. cos suddenly, i'm hyped up wit another prospect. it's a longer term and much more fufillin one.

enhanced GPS i am! :)

and miss goh teow boon talked so much more sense when shes tired at an unearthly hour, like now. HAHA.

cigarettes and alcohol @ 02:20


baby if you strip, you can get a tip

ripped this of melr's facebook.

"Samantha: You men have no idea what we're dealing with down there. Teeth placement, and jaw stress, and suction, and gag reflex, and all the while bobbing up and down, moaning and trying to breathe through our noses. Easy? Honey, they don't call it a job for nothin'."

Sex and the City has interestin quotes. :)

cigarettes and alcohol @ 00:14


HAPPY BIRTHDAY DENISE PEI PEI LIM PEI LIN PENNY KRUSTY...! :D





*

i aint got no visa
i aint got no red american express
we cant go nowhere exotic
it dont matter cause i'm the one that loves you best


RON, so long there's LOVE, credit cards can step aside la! (and so timbaland claims just to get his girl) me aint no superficial bitch, yo! hahaha.

but,

LOVE: Priceless. for anything else, there's Masters.

so random. so hurhur.

ooooo, i've got some moolahs from my daddy cos i did well in school! :D

*

that's okay baby cause in time you will find
what goes around comes all the way back around

sweet, Project Star Playa commencin soon.

i've met the STAR PLAYA, have you?

cigarettes and alcohol @ 00:03


140807

the faint spark of forgiveness


HAPPY 21ST, MY FAVOURITE BLACK THANG! :D




thank you SO much for the beautiful weekend, best black fren! :D hope you had a blast! (winks winks, i know you did! haha) and thank you so much for your extremely hospitable family. :)


one weekend.
helluva funn.
emo, bumpy coach ride.
free flow of food.
nightmarket, street-side laksa, nasi lemak.
nando's, modesto's.
tim sum, donuts, chips.
free flow of liquor.
maple liqueur, chivas, vodka, tequila.
martinis, flamings.
lemon drop, sex on the beach.
countless of leen's classic moments.
"XINWEI!! the pics look so dark!" :(
"leen, ure wearin shades." -.-
plenty of hearty laughters.
numerous of crappy moments.
"say Charlie Charlie Bravo at home please."
crazy dancin to all kinds of music.
rnb, mambo, reggae, house.
munchin donuts on the dreary train ride.
swappin ipods durin the ardous journey home.
more leen's classic moments.


WE SHOULD DO THIS MORE OFTEN! hehe.



in the coach!



nightmarket!



darlin of the whole group. :)



the boys and the girls.



nando's moments! :D I HAD NANDO'S!! :D :D



ron's lovely family



group love at modesto's


more pics on facebook! :D

*

to my bestest black fren:



indians are born comedians. hahaha



:D



times we miss dearly. :(


*

the first two weeks turn into ten,
i hold my breath and wonder when it'll happen,
does it really matter?
if half of what you said is true,
and half of what i didnt do could be different,
would it make it better?
if we forget the things we know,
would we have somewhere to go?
the only way is down, i can see that now.

'cause i dont care if i ever talk to you again.
this is not about emotion,
i dont need a reason not to care what you say,
or what happened in the end.
this is my interpretation,
and it dont, dont make sense.

it's really not such a sacrifice.


this is becoming a very bad habit of mine.

i'm feelin childish.

"sorry no cure. if not what are police for?"

bestie (of all people) proposed sth else.

"there's always two sides to a story."

oooo, i'd LOVE to be the other side now.

"why am i always on the wrong side?"

cigarettes and alcohol @ 23:24


the patterns repeat

tell me,

how you feign sincerity so well.
how you change with the snap of the fingers.
how you love to be a coward behind that beautiful facade.
how you impressed me then and disgust me now.
how you managed to influence me with your dumbshit complexities.

tell me,

why am i so fuckin stupid to even bother.

*

dont preach what you are totally not. it's fuckin disgustin. before you comment on others, take the big fat mirror and look at yourself. you're lookin back at them. and so you say, birds of a feather flock together. this, is the only thing you preach about that i believe.

no more stupid italic words. cynicism is what i'm left with.

thank you very much.

cigarettes and alcohol @ 00:28


080807

omg, this is so cool.

i'm bloggin outside OG orchard. HAHA. starbucks la. :D

cigarettes and alcohol @ 21:11


you could be my unintended
choice to live my life extended
you could be the one i'll always love
you could be the one who listens to my deepest inquisitions
you could be the one i'll always love

*

i'm HALF liberated! :D

phew, everything is gonna be a downhill ride. and once i'm done wit friday morning, it's absolute freefall. :)

past few months had been well, pretty draining. everything just came crashin down full force. i was practically suffocatin, underneath the debris. everything was weighin down on me so much that i just lose it totally. imagine livin life in void for months, literally and metaphorically. well, maybe more in the metaphorical sense. things became so extreme, all friends could do was to offer me kind words and hope i get over it soon.

grit my teeth and hang in there was what they say.

and i did. one more exam and i'm totally done wit school work (for the time being). i never knew that liberation can taste so sweet. two weeks of hols for me to recuperate. i totally cant wait. :)

OH, met melr for yummy bombers vanilla malties and cj yesterday! :D



say hello to PATSIE! :D


*

hope my stuffy nose, bad throat and fever hurry go away. i want a good KL trip.

cigarettes and alcohol @ 17:13


060807

i guess i just didnt know how
i was all wrong
they knew better
still you said forever
and ever
who knew

cigarettes and alcohol @ 23:08


quoted, yes.

good quote, NO.

so embarrassing!! :(

[/edit]

my utmost condolences to my dearest sittin partner. i guess it's hard dealin wit sudden departures of loved ones, but you've been a really strong soul! stay strong aights, your mom needs you the most now. as for anything else, i'll be arnd if you need! :)

hug hug.

cigarettes and alcohol @ 12:47


i've a weird mom.

she flooded my inbox wit strange msges (to the extent that i was waken up by the annoyin beeps to clear my inbox) at 6am in the morning! and then when i thot i could head back to sleep in peace. i was so wrong. the last msg i saw ended sth like...

"...maybe you can get a rich bf to take care of you! haha."

SIAO!

my mom is TOTALLY crazy. and she was msgin me from outside my room.

URGH. i hope it was a horrible dream. :\

cigarettes and alcohol @ 09:33


050807

built a wall around my heart
i’ll never let it fall apart
but strangely i wish secretly
it would fall down while i'm asleep

if you dont know
then you cant care
and you show up
but you're not there
but im waiting
and you want to
still afraid that i will desert you, babe

oh i want so bad to pick you up
but you're still too reluctant to accept my help
what a shame, i hope you find somewhere to place the blame
but until then the fact remains

everyday
with every worthless word we get more far away
the distance between us makes you so hard to stay
nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
it hurts but it may be the only way

cigarettes and alcohol @ 20:19


the world is mine

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I CLUB, DANCE, AND DRINK TILL I DROP?!!

i cant remember actually. haha. gosh, i'm gettin old! dint exactly have the energy to last through the night actually. :( tho friday dint start off well and the crowd totally sucked, i guess we all had funn at zouk! i love the clubmed bunch! :D hehe. KL in less than a week's time, FOLKS! :) anyway, i'm achin everywhere la. see, another sign of me gettin old. i'm achin so badly (esp my calves) only cos i TRIED shufflin!! hahahaha.


me: aye am i gettin it right?
yc: doesnt seem like it.
me: huh, so sad! nowhere near shichi?!
yc: FAR FROM IT! but heck la, just anyhow whack!
me: OKAY!


and so we decided to anyhow whack. HAHA. think i can do the basic one alr, but runnin man still look like the treadmill kind leh. hahahaha. AND i think i whacked correctly, cos someone decided to shuffle wit me! and he's not bad la! :D TEEHEEHEE. my new-found love at clubs. DARN, i thot the rest were rnb freaks, so decided to wear my ultra killer heels. if not i would've much more funn shufflin in my flats and not on the balls of my feet la.

pain leh. :(

but it's all worth it. :D melbourne, melbourne, melbourne... NEXT WINTER! hehe. now i feel as tho i went through an hour's worth of aerobics. more more more. dang, and i concluded all eyecandies have an extra layer of protection in clubs. so annoyin please. hrmph.



group pic! :D



leen and i. :D



random snaps of the night.



HAHA. the black thang shld always remain in the dark! HAHAHAHA. leen was laughin like crazy at the playground la. HAHA.



his ultimate fantasy - humps.


more on facebook! :)

*

LAST NIGHT...


slip through these fingers, melt away xinn says:
st nicks girls really rawk

slip through these fingers, melt away xinn says:
bloody gd factory some more

through glass says:
no lor, im gonna shut it down

slip through these fingers, melt away xinn says:
i hope you get retribution

slip through these fingers, melt away xinn says:
in future ONLY fall for st nicks girls

slip through these fingers, melt away xinn says:
then you regret big time

through glass says:
eh thanks ah xinwei

slip through these fingers, melt away xinn says:
hahah if you dont close down that factory, happiness will follow you wherever you go

slip through these fingers, melt away xinn says:
fortune cookie of the day


HAHA!! mich, dont think you're a inline skatin instructor now, you can do wadever you want hor! oh peeps, anyone wants lessons can approach her! but the miser wont give you discount.

so yea. hahaha.

cigarettes and alcohol @ 19:23


020807

i dumped the good company for sleep instead.

haha, lazy me decided to nap at home instead of goin out. ANYWAY, happy one year to UNLV! :) time flies ehs. it seems like yesterday when we were all lookin smart at the grand opening as ushers. and next year, imma say it seems like yesterday when we were sloggin our ass off for mccool. hehe.

oooo, i love cj. :) OH! ms foo is pregnant! congratualations! :D anyway, glad to be back there to promote UNLV at the careers day fair. goin back there always bring back fond (stupid) memories. HAHA. kinda had a love-hate relationship wit cj. oh, the best thing is that i had melr to reminisce wit today! (pics on her blog) walked to our favourite hangouts and spots where we did really stupid things, laughin like there is no tmr. :D all the canteen talks, classroom walks (no personification at all here please).. and TEH BING! okay, st nicks one nicer actually cos uncle mobeen made them wit love. haha.

oooo, VIRN!! LET'S INVADE ST NICKS FOR ORANGE BOWL AND TEH BING!! :D

i love my uniform school days! :D :D

anyhoos, met abe yesterday! :) dint know he can talk so much rubbish please. and havin him here in singapore seems strange. haha. JOY!! HE PUT ON WEIGHT! i think. tsk tsk, tummy grew bigger ehs, somebody. and havin him drivin sth two times bigger than bruce (his skyline) at 50 on the roads seems strange too. haha, ah wells, glad that we met up durin his short trip here la. :)

ALRIGHTY, shall continue my hard disk transfers and then lala land. :D

*

eeks!

cigarettes and alcohol @ 22:29


may God's love be with you

i picture you in the sun wondering what went wrong
and falling down on your knees asking for sympathy
and being caught in between all you wish for and all you seen
and trying to find anything you can feel that you can believe in

i dont know anymore
what it's for
im not even sure
if there is anyone who is in the sun
will you help me to understand
cause i've been caught in between all i wish for and all i need
maybe you're not even sure what it's for
any more than me

*

i dumped myself for you.
i dump you in search of a betta me.

but now, i'm dumpin work for good company. :)

cigarettes and alcohol @ 16:29



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